God's Voice

Rainbows. Donkeys. Writing with His finger in the sand. Creation. Angels. Dreams. Visions. Pillars of fire. Pillars of clouds. Supernatural Events. Stopping the Earth's rotation. Signs. Circumstances. Audible voice. Impressions. Music. People. Scripture. Inner Spirit.

Last night I was listening to this sermon from the Kansas City Boiler Room (my most recent addiction: http://kcboilerroom.com/teachings)

And Adam Cox was talking about hearing God's voice.

Lately I have been starving to hear God's voice. Just praying praying praying to hear His voice.

Adam started listing a billion ways we hear God's voice (some listed above).

TODAY I HEARD IT.

One of my closest friends here feels like her world is caving in around her. She feels like Satan is attacking her in so many ways. She just kept saying, "God is not with me. He cannot hear me. He has left me. I just want to die." So I grabbed her head, I put my lips to her forehead, and I started praying. "Lord, we want to hear your voice. Father, send us a sign. Heal this broken heart and show Elizabeth that your heart is breaking for her too! Give us a sign, Father! Give us a sign!"

She told me just to leave her...So I began to walk away.

As I was walking away, not even a minute later, I began to feel raindrops. It started to pour, HARD. And it's not even the rainy season here.

It hasn't rained like that since I first came to India.

The Inner Spirit spoke to me: "Go tell her, I have NOT left her."

I ran back and started screaming outside of the Girl's Hostel, "ELIZABETH! ELIZABETH! COME OUTSIDE!"

She finally came out as I stood in the pouring rain.

"See! He is crying just as you are now. He has not left you. He will never leave you."

Please, call me by name Father, because your words are perfect.

Natalie Grace Donald

I don't know how many times I've looked at these in the past few days.

It feels like 100 times at least.

I miss my friends. :(

My cup feels empty, and my mouth feels dry.

Lessons.

I feel overwhelmed with all God is trying to teach me. At times, I simply want to give up and say, “I’m ready to go back to my old life. To be old Natalie again, lukewarm. I’m ready to have the lukewarm job and the lukewarm boyfriend and the lukewarm attitude towards You, Father.”

Then I think,

“I’d rather be hot, on fire for you, or cold, totally broken, then to come to you at the end of my life, knowing I lived safe, and knowing I chose the world instead of my soul. I chose to die instead of live.”

I feel vulnerable and broken. I feel like everything in my life is being flipped upside down for this King.

Things like this:

to save your life, you have to lose it.

to live, you have to die.

to be powerful, you must become like a child.

to see, you have to have faith in the unseen.

to mature, you have to become humble.

to lead, you have to become like a servant.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Says my brain.

Boy, have I been praying. I feel like all I can do is pray. And I am humbled. Wow, how I am humbled. Tears come with the reality that I have chosen venomous sin in my life, knowing fully well that Jesus was brutally murdered for that sin. Forgiveness and mercy is a beautiful thing that I wish I had more of.

My notebook is completely filled with prayers. I feel like my brain is constantly being regurgitated onto paper.

I wrote my first song. It’s not that great. But I wrote it after my chaotic week and the words just sort of spilled out.

It still needs a lot of work, and I feel like I have the music in my head, my friend is just putting it to a guitar for me.

Here it is:

I ask you, “Why?

Why? Why? Oh Why?”

Have you taken such a life?

I ask you, “How?

How, Father, How?”

Can I kneel here at your throne

and let it all bleed out?

Let each beat inside,

Show you the life

That I am chasing after, Father.

Because

I’m beautifully broken

Divinely chosen

For You, my Lord, for You, my Lord.

I’m beautifully broken,

Divinely Chosen,

For a King

Who heals all things.

Like a child, I reached up to You

You took my hand.

And You helped me stand.

I’m beautifully broken,

Divinely chosen.

For you, my Father, for you my Father.

I’m beautifully broken,

Divinely Chosen,

For a King

Who heals all things.

Heal this heart.

Hear my soul.

For you are love.

And this I declare.

That…

You are everything and I am nothing.

You are everything and I am nothing.

You are everything and I am nothing.

I’m beautifully broken,

Divinely chosen.

For you, mere Pita, for you mere Pita.

(My father in Hindi)

I’m beautifully broken,

Divinely Chosen,

For the King

Who heals broken things.

He heals all things.

Thankful am I.

I don't know how to write this blog.

I've tried at least four times and I still haven't found the right words.

Because I don't think there will ever be the right words to say to these people.

The ones that make life worth living, refresh the soul, and hold us together after the hardest week ever.

So, I don't know what else to say, but thank you.

To you who prays for me day and night. You know who you are. I know you are on your knees for me in prayer daily and I pray that God keeps us close forever. You are my best friend.

To you who brought me oranges, cold medicine, a million romance novels, and my favorite sweets when I was feeling sick. Thank you for loving me at all times and for teaching me what friendship really looks like.

To my family in Christ, who just lost everything, but yet has given me more than I could ever begin to ask for this week. I will never forget your kindness, your hours of cooking for me, letting me mourn with you for hours but then still finding joy in the Lord at the end of the day. Thank you for remembering that mango juice is my favorite and for thinking that I am a genius for getting the 1,000 rupee question right on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. It boosts my self-confidence.

To you who is giving thousands to the Karuna Home, just because. I still cannot believe it. One day I hope you can come and meet my babies and see what a better life you are giving to them.

To you who sneaks me chocolates everyday, just because you know it will make me smile, despite the fact that one day I will become fat because of you.

To you who reminded me about the song that no one could sing, but the 144,000 redeemed. Thank you for teaching me how to love others. I am honored to leave your legacy.

To you who sent me the book about friends, reminding me that they are my angels and when I have awful weeks they somehow find a way to preserve my spirit again (and yes, you are my best friend, Gram. You always will be :) ).

I probably have a million other thank you's that I could say.

Today I am thankful because what would life be without friends?

Even though I feel as sick as a dog, I have friends that love me very much.

And that is the best thing for your health, I think.

:)

Thank you Jesus for friends that put band-aids on my heart when the pain comes.

Amen.

lieutenant dan moments

natalie grace, running up the steps of our roof or the karuna home not wanting to ever miss it.

watching the sun come up and the sun go down in india.

i am overcome with peace.

and in awesome wonder.

Transforming for my destiny

Natalie's thoughts:

"I'll be happy when I figure out what I'm doing with the rest of my life."

"I'll be happy when I fall in love."

"I'l be happy when I move to India."

"I'll be happy when I get more confidence."

"I'll be happy when I get back to America and eat a slice of pizza and take a hot shower."

"When will you ever be happy if you are living like this Natalie?"

Tonight, sitting on the roof of my house, watching the sun go down and the kites flying for miles in the distance, listening to switchfoot, dragon flies buzzing around me, reflecting on the past week, and having absolutely no idea what the rest of my life has in store, I can tell you that I, Natalie Donald, am completely and absolutely happy. Even though hard things may come, I can rejoice in the fact that I know a God who painted that beautiful sunset for me and who has a plan in store for me greater than I could ever begin to imagine.

"For when you are weak, then you are strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Awakening,

Natalie Grace

Sarah.

2 months have passed and this by far has been the hardest week I have endured here.

My heart has been filled with a raging sea of emotion.

Anger, hurt, betrayal, pain, sadness, helplessness, confusion.

Then Friday night we were told that one of our believers new born baby had only two hours left to live...

We all came together and prayed and prayed. I cried out more to Jesus that night than I think I have in my entire life. I just kept saying, "PLEASE FATHER! PLEASE!"

The whole church came together and prayed for this baby's life. Who knows how many tears were shed there in that room.

I felt so selfish. All week I had been feeling depressed for myself and then there was this baby who was fighting for her life. Oh Natalie, how selfish you are. You have no idea what pain is.

I could not stop thinking to myself.

I stayed up all night praying in the church. My knees hurt like crazy and I was beyond exhausted, but I knew that I just needed to keep praying, until my heart gave out.

In the morning while I was walking home I thought, "Tonight, I became a real prayer warrior."

Hours passed and we got news that she was doing better.

In the morning I just kept praising and worshiping Jesus for this miracle He had done.

We went to see her in the hospital and she was looking better.

I remembered seeing her the first day she was born.

I looked at her precious body and I remember crying.

Not exactly tears of joy, but tears of sorrow.

This new, blameless life had come into such a messed up world and my heart broke for her.

I prayed that she would do something great in her life, that God had a better plan for her.

I remember exactly in my heart saying this,

"Make her like Mother Teresa, make people remember her name, Father."

About two hours after we left the hospital I came home to a house full of anguish.

Everyone was crying.

I could not believe it. My heart could not bear to believe it.

"Jesus! Why?! How could you take this life?!"

Fast forward a few hours later:

Everyone packed in cars on the way to the grave site after praying.

Sobs of sorrow coming from a heartbroken mother in the back seat.

The lifeless baby in the arms of her father.

Aunt Becky and I squished in the front seat.

Softly the sound came from next to me.

A hymn I recognized from when I was a small girl growing louder.

"It is well, it is well, with my soul."

I couldn't tell you how I remembered the words after all of these years, but they came to me.

I joined my Aunt Becky in singing and we didn't stop until we got there.

Old hymns flooded our mouths.

Putting joy back into our hearts.

In that moment I saw baby Sarah, no longer in her father's arms in the back seat, but in Jesus' arms in Heaven. No more pain, no more suffering, she was there.

Please pray for Sarah's parents. This is what I beg of you.

I could never imagine the heartache of losing a child.

I pray that tonight, all over the world, whoever is reading this blog, remembers little Sarah's life.

What a precious beam of sunshine she was to us, only lent for a short while.

Always choose to love,

Natalie Grace Donald