Mera Nam Natalie Hai

My Name is Natalie Grace Donald.

I'm 19 years old.

I grew up in a small town

(or maybe it's a city, or maybe it's neither, I'm not really even sure) in Arizona.

I enjoy listening to Taylor Swift on a daily basis.

And I have a sweet tooth.

I miss home everyday.

But my heart breaks for the people of India.

For these faces...

This world may steal their joy.

But Jesus came to give them the fullest joy possible.

Maybe I can be used to show His love.

So they too, can have an unbroken and eternal life.

Yikes, I need to be brave.

Italicize or Bold

As I had mentioned previously I am reading Redeeming Love.

In the book, whenever God talks to the characters his words are italicized.

And whenever Satan talks to the characters his words are in bold.

It makes me absolutely CRAZY when the characters listen to the bold. When they listen to the lies Satan is feeding them, instead of the sweet truth God is laying on their hearts.

I literally say out loud, "What the heck, are you serious?! Can't you tell that's Satan?!"

Then I thought, "Natalie, what a hypocrite you are...You listen to the bold on a daily basis. You let Satan's lies speak to you all the time."

So the prayer on my heart lately has been to discern the italicized truth from the bold lies.

Today was the last day of the month, so we went to church and prayed all day from morning until night for the month to come and we gave thanks for the previous month.

In the middle of prayer, my favorite, Robin, was carried in.

His body looked lifeless; pain was evident on his face, great pain.

Something inside of me stirred, a foreign feeling built up inside of me.

Something powerful and angry consumed me.

I thought, "Oh Lord, not this one. Please, God, not this one. Satan knows the exact way to break my heart."

They laid him in the middle of the floor and we all gathered around him. Everything inside of me was trembling, I fought back the stinging tears. I held his hand and everything inside of me ached for my Indian brother. He began to shake as we prayed for him. I prayed and prayed desperately for Jesus to take his pain away. To take whatever was inside of him out.

So maybe a half hour later they came and told us he was better and doing okay.

But for the next two hours someone was speaking to my heart.

I just kept praying, "Is this the italicized voice or is this the bold voice, Jesus? I don't know."

"Go be with him. Go be with Robin."

I knew it was the Holy Spirit.

So, in the middle of OnKar's sermon I got up (everyone probably thought I was crazy),

I grabbed my notebook, bible, and purse, I ran out the door, grabbing my shoes, not even stopping to put them on, and I ran.

I ran and ran.

As fast as my legs could take me.

I heard people from behind me shouting my name, but all I could hear was the voice speaking to my heart,

"Go. Go, Natalie, be with him, comfort him."

Maybe 5 minutes later, I arrived at the Karuna Home, panting and out of breath.

I ran up the stairs and all of my loves came out to see me.

I took a deep breath and managed to get out, "Where is he? Where's my Robin?"

He stumbled out of the room and I ran to him and held him for a long time.

I felt like a mom when she realizes her child is missing at the grocery store,

"Don't ever scare me like that again, okay? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that happened to you."

I finally looked at his face and tears ran down his cheeks.

We laid down on a mat on the floor, and I held his hand.

A few minutes later, I felt his hand squeeze mine back.

And I knew it was my Robin in there.

We laid there for a long time. I just held his hand and never wanted to let go.

Please pray for the Karuna Home Children.

Pray that darkness never finds them again.

Please.

Pray that angels sleep in their beds with them and the blood of Jesus covers their bodies every night.

As I laid their with Robin, I looked around at the sad faces looking upon my pathetic self.

"I just love you guys so much. I'm sorry. I just love you guys too much."

That’s when Pooja said, "Who's going to love us when you leave?"

The words stung my heart.

The good, the bad, and the ugly. :)

My Dearest Blog Readers,

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to care about what I'm doing here. :) I really do LOVE knowing that their are 3,000 people out there reading my blog, from all over the world. Sheesh, the numbers astonish and humble me. Thank you also to whoever is praying for my American tummy. I have my suspicions as to who you are, but really, thank you.

Can you believe it has been a month already?! It feels like it has flown by, but also been an eternity. There are so many things I am processing through daily, about life, love, and most of all, about who I am...

Life:

There's a new favorite. And he's stuck for a few weeks. His name is Robin. He's 8 years old. When I first got here, he was the trouble maker, the one that "made me crazy", he never ever changed his clothes, and I'm pretty sure hadn't bathed in months. He's the one the teacher's would say, "He is not smart, and if you weren't here, I would beat him."

A few weeks ago, I told Robin I loved him. And when he got hurt I kissed his booboos. And when he had to stay home from school because he was sick, I played with him and told him stories. Robin is now the quietest child in the class. He wears new clothes almost daily, slicks his hair back, and puts his fingers in his ears to study when the rest of the class is running around and making Madam Natalie crazy.

They are the joy to my soul.

I miss crying. I know that's a weird thing to miss, but I miss it a lot. Sometimes you just need a good cry. But you see, in order for me to cry, I need a person. It's been like this my whole life, I don't cry unless I have a person (you know that sympathetic voice that just unwillingly generates an immense amount of water in your eyes). This person is usually very close to me, who I can completely trust to see my eyes well up and tears streak down. Usually it was my mom or sister, but there was sometime when it was Nick or Laura or Danielle...I opened up. Now I don't have a person. I don't get to decide...My tear ducts do. They become overactive when I'm around that person. So maybe it's good I don't have one. Maybe God wants to be my person. Maybe.

Jesus, please don't forget about India.

Please.

Daily activities: playing with the kids, teaching/tutoring them, projects for the ministry, eating, sleeping, praying, reading, worshipping, visiting hindu's houses and praying for their families, going to bible classes, and eating rasberry dollys.

Love:

I obsess way too much about my future. Not enough about today, loving others around me today. The other day Charlotte told me that we weren't friends anymore, that she didn't love me...So I chased her all over the house, with a cracker in my mouth and I screamed, "LOVE ME AGAIN!" I tickled her until she looked me in the eyes and said it.

Choose to love.

I'm reading Redeeming Love, the story of Hosea. God never ceases to love us. Even when we are so unworthy of His love. Why is this? I fear I will never know. But I am beginning to understand the bridegroom, which fills my heart with joy.

I'm going to share the message with a bunch of Hindu families on Saturday.

Please pray for boldness.

I really really love cherry chapstick and ice in my drinks.

Can’t wait until Em’s wedding.

I feel like everyone’s getting engaged.

I went to see my first Indian movie, and LOVED it. I think this will provide for good date material in the VERY VERY far away future.

India kind of resembles a heart in my mind.

I’m a romantic, an optimist, I only really like happy endings.

Myself:

At times I feel like I'm running, fully sprinting towards my dreams, and other times, I feel like the laziest person in the world. I wonder why this is.

I catch myself daydreaming about food, constantly. All kinds of food. Who knew how much I would miss it?

I need discipline in my life. Spiritual discipline.

I want my presence on this Earth to mean something.

According to Strengthfinders, I’m very high on the empathetic level. This personality trait can sometimes be hard to deal with in India.

Sometimes, only rarely, I get scared and I feel the insides of me begin to tremble. Then I remember, I have a powerful God inside of me. They tremble at His name.

On Sunday I saw a seventeen year old boy worshipping with everything he had. It was beautiful. So after church I went up to him and said, “I want to worship like you, I want faith like you.” He gave me a bible and said, “Read Hebrews 11.” So I read it. Then he said, “Read verse 6 again, it is the most important.”

Verse 6 said: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

I wake up every morning with the words of Hillsong in my mind. Desert Song is my constant prayer. It rings true to every part of my life. :)

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

With Love,

Natalie Grace Donald

It is quite possible...

That my body will come back to America...

But my heart will forever stay in India.

"How do I surprise someone with pancakes who wakes up at the crack of dawn?"

So today was probably my favorite day in India so far.

:) I got to celebrate the life of my hero with what felt like the entire city of Bharuch.

What do we get for someone who deserves the world?

Really.

I woke up at 5 Am-yes, 5 AM and made my best attempt at pancakes.

I really did feel like I was with the mayor, traveling from place to place. Each place she would give out a gift to the children.

The coolest part was hearing the testimonies, of how this woman had changed and shaped so many lives. I couldn't hold back the tears as one by one they began to stand and share about how this woman had shown them love, when no one else had. "She is our super hero." Most of them were in Hindi, but they still made me cry, because I still saw how much of a blessing God gave to so many souls when he crafted His daughter, my aunt, and all of these kids' "mommy-sa" :)

Thank you Jesus for her life and what a blessing she has been to so many.

So we ate at least 4 cakes, I think...

We had a huge celebration at night, despite the fact that she doesn't like celebrating her birthday. She taught them funny American games and the house was roaring with laughter for hours. One lady who has been very sick recently even said that it was the first time she had smiled in one month. She got her smile back tonight. :)

I think Aunt Becky had a great time too. :)

I wore my green sari and felt like a princess. I don't know how many times I was told how beautiful I looked. :) I played with the kids and told them scary stories. It was such a great day. :)

Happy Birthday Aunt Bec, we all love you so much and we are so thankful for your life. I hope I am half the woman you are one day. And I hope that God blesses you in the years to come.

:)

A beautiful prayer.

So yesterday I left my journal downstairs.

And Natalie Donald's journal is, let's just say, pretty intense.

My deepest thoughts, prayers, hurt, pain, it resides in this notebook.

Markus came into my room late last night and gave it to me.

A little embarrassed, I snatched it quickly and thanked him.

I went through each page, diligently looking for any changes within it.

And I got to one of the last pages and found this prayer:

" Oh God, help me not to get angry. Help me to stay blissful, calm, and happy. Help me to have strength to raise my mind high above daily trifles. I get energy to surrender myself to THY WILL WITH LOVE."-Markus

:)my heart was so happy.

I ATE SO MUCH TODAY.

Mmm.

Breakfast:

Chapatti (like a tortilla) with jam.

Snack:

Pineapple, so much that my tongue blistered.

Lunch:

Corn flakes with bananas and buffalo milk.

Snack:

India's version of a ritz cracker and India's version of spread cheese.

Dinner:

Some weird dough ball that tasted like a bagel.

And some chicken curri with potatoes.

And some cucumbers.

I think this is the most I have eaten since I got here.

And my stomach is sooo happy.