Thursday, September 30, 2010

Italicize or Bold

As I had mentioned previously I am reading Redeeming Love.
In the book, whenever God talks to the characters his words are italicized.
And whenever Satan talks to the characters his words are in bold.

It makes me absolutely CRAZY when the characters listen to the bold. When they listen to the lies Satan is feeding them, instead of the sweet truth God is laying on their hearts.

I literally say out loud, "What the heck, are you serious?! Can't you tell that's Satan?!"

Then I thought, "Natalie, what a hypocrite you are...You listen to the bold on a daily basis. You let Satan's lies speak to you all the time."

So the prayer on my heart lately has been to discern the italicized truth from the bold lies.

Today was the last day of the month, so we went to church and prayed all day from morning until night for the month to come and we gave thanks for the previous month.

In the middle of prayer, my favorite, Robin, was carried in.

His body looked lifeless; pain was evident on his face, great pain.

Something inside of me stirred, a foreign feeling built up inside of me.

Something powerful and angry consumed me.

I thought, "Oh Lord, not this one. Please, God, not this one. Satan knows the exact way to break my heart."

They laid him in the middle of the floor and we all gathered around him. Everything inside of me was trembling, I fought back the stinging tears. I held his hand and everything inside of me ached for my Indian brother. He began to shake as we prayed for him. I prayed and prayed desperately for Jesus to take his pain away. To take whatever was inside of him out.

So maybe a half hour later they came and told us he was better and doing okay.

But for the next two hours someone was speaking to my heart.

I just kept praying, "Is this the italicized voice or is this the bold voice, Jesus? I don't know."

"Go be with him. Go be with Robin."

I knew it was the Holy Spirit.

So, in the middle of OnKar's sermon I got up (everyone probably thought I was crazy),

I grabbed my notebook, bible, and purse, I ran out the door, grabbing my shoes, not even stopping to put them on, and I ran.

I ran and ran.

As fast as my legs could take me.

I heard people from behind me shouting my name, but all I could hear was the voice speaking to my heart,

"Go. Go, Natalie, be with him, comfort him."

Maybe 5 minutes later, I arrived at the Karuna Home, panting and out of breath.

I ran up the stairs and all of my loves came out to see me.

I took a deep breath and managed to get out, "Where is he? Where's my Robin?"

He stumbled out of the room and I ran to him and held him for a long time.

I felt like a mom when she realizes her child is missing at the grocery store,

"Don't ever scare me like that again, okay? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that happened to you."

I finally looked at his face and tears ran down his cheeks.

We laid down on a mat on the floor, and I held his hand.

A few minutes later, I felt his hand squeeze mine back.

And I knew it was my Robin in there.

We laid there for a long time. I just held his hand and never wanted to let go.

Please pray for the Karuna Home Children.

Pray that darkness never finds them again.


Pray that angels sleep in their beds with them and the blood of Jesus covers their bodies every night.

As I laid their with Robin, I looked around at the sad faces looking upon my pathetic self.

"I just love you guys so much. I'm sorry. I just love you guys too much."

That’s when Pooja said, "Who's going to love us when you leave?"

The words stung my heart.


  1. Hebrews 6:10 (New International Version)
    God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

  2. Natalie, I am so encouraged by your heart for God's children. Thank you for being real and for openly sharing the work God is doing in you and in those around you. I'll be praying for you, my sister.