Refine me Lord through the flame.

This has been my prayer since I arrived here. My constant prayer.

On Thursday:

A man came to stay at our house.

His name: Pastor Madhu. He is from south India and he is a prophet (the things he has dreamed, have come true).

He came to me on Friday and said that God had given him a dream and prophecy about my life.

He said that God had a great plan for my life and that he wants to use me in powerful ways.

He knew things about my life that no one could ever know.

Things I have never told anyone.

He knew my thoughts.

God was speaking to me directly through this man.

He said that on Saturday night, I would receive a gift.

So me, Natalie, being Natalie, internally freaked out. With joy, with fear, with doubt, with excitement, with eagerness.

I prayed and prayed and prayed some more.

So Saturday night approached:

The prophet as well as my Aunt Becky, prayed over me.

Satan was getting into my head and so the man stopped.

He said, "Stop doubting, God wants you to just sit at the foot of his throne."

So there I sat, at his throne, feeling unworthy.

And suddenly, I felt a tingling heat cover my entire body, I saw a light and I started laughing uncontrollably. Something was happening.

After they prayed, they told me that God had blessed me with the gift of healing.

They said, He has been close to me my entire life, but each time He tries to get closer, I push Him away.

They said, specifically, my gift lies in healing families. And broken hearts. And that is why God brought me to India. I am obeying His commands, therefore He will show others his power through me.

Saturday night:

All I kept thinking was "Why me? I am not worthy. I have sinned against you so much, Father. I am just a weak girl, too scared to even share the gospel with her best friends. Why me?"

I sat there for hours. My mind kept going and going and going. I was so tired and frustrated, I longed for sleep.

But then God said, "Get your bible. Open it to Exodus, read this."

I've never read Exodus before. God told me so much while reading this. The exact words I had just been saying to God, Moses was also saying to God. "Why me, God? I am nothing special."

Wow. After I finished reading, God immediately gave me rest.

Sunday morning:

Another thing happened.

This is so hard to explain, but it's like for my entire life, there has been a wall between me and God. Like I have to REALLY think about what I'm praying about. I have to process each word in my brain before I say it. So during worship, something came over me. It was as if the prayers weren't coming from my head any more, but they were coming from my heart. I wasn't thinking about what I was praying, I was just praying. With my whole self. My hands, my feet, my heart, my mouth, prayers poured out. The exact prayers I have been trying to get out of my soul for the past 19 years of my being, eloquently poured out. The Holy Spirit consumed my heart, my soul, my being.

This all may sound completely crazy to you, but all I can do is rejoice, for the Lord has redeemed my soul and my heart and given me a gift that I never want to go to waste. And I know he will use that in me. Amen.