So I haven't written a blog in awhile due to the fact that only semi-depressing things have been flooding my mind. But I need prayer and encouragement and friends. Yikes. I feel so tired. Satan keeps knocking me down over and over again. Last night ,I was legit making a plan of coming home. That's how serious as a heart attack I was. But whenever I thought about telling my aunt and the karuna kids, I broke down and cried. I couldn't even imagine it.
I guess I expected these things to happen. No, I really DID expect these things to happen. But now that they are...I feel like I'm suffocating.
I know..I'm so over dramatic.
Persecution. It's the worst. I guess all of these trials are taking place to teach me that I can only trust one person. I need to rejoice in these times of trials. But my heart simply cannot comprehend that there are really evil people out there. I can only pray that God will give them hearts of flesh one day. All week I've had this verse in my head...echoing over and over again: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8.
Familiarity. Things are becoming familiar to me. Which is not good.Kids not having shoes. Families digging through trash to find a scrap to eat. Beggars with no hands. Children with dead eyes. All of it. It's not breaking my heart anymore and that scares me. Things that used to haunt my mind and scar my brain, are beginning to fade.
Restore the compassion and mercy inside of me, Oh Father.
Homesick. Straight up, realness with you...It's Thanksgiving on Thursday. And I'm sad, my heart aches. I want to be home so badly. Honestly, I don't care about the turkey or the stuffing or even the sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top...I want to be home with the people who love and care about me.
These emotions are real and raw and I'll probably regret each thing I said in the morning. But I ask that you just remember me this week. I ask that you pray for me not to be too sad...or want to run away whenever the going gets tough.
No turning back, no turing back,
P.S. Thanks best friend for praying for me and in your prayer mentioning that I'm pretty baller. It made my awful day a little better.