Monday, October 4, 2010

All of my life, in every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing.

Let's talk about yesterday.
I woke up feeling a whole mix of emotions.
Pain, anger, hurt, guilt were all swarming up like a black pit inside of me.
Mostly guilt though.
I realized that I really didn't like who I was before I came to India.
People here keep calling me an angel.
But I am the farthest thing from angelic.
How can someone with such darkness inside of her, bring light to this place?
I was struggling with so much sin in my life.
I was so sad and depressed all morning.
I prayed a lot.

Then a box came.
I ripped it open like a wild village woman. Haha!
With each thing I pulled out I just laughed hysterically. All by myself.
I laughed at how all of the things I have been craving were in this box.
All from my good friend Ben. :)
I just kept thinking, "God, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this."
I ripped open the box of Oreos and took the smallest bites, savoring each one.
I laughed with each bite at how ridiculously good this small, Halloween, orange creamed Oreo tasted.

Then my Aunt came home from the store and gave me a surprise as well.
She gave me a yellow dress.
If you know anything about Natalie, you know she loves yellow, and she loves dresses.
"It just looked so you."
I was SO happy, I put it right on.
Then I went to my daily class and sat at my desk and taught my favorite Karuna Home children.
And Robin came to my desk and gave me this:

Sometimes, I think God gives us exactly what we need, at just the right time.
Our favorite foods (captain crunch with berries, mac and cheese, slim jims, chedder flavored sun chips), a yellow dress you feel beautiful in, and a letter written straight from the heart.

Aunt Becky and I just laid in bed last night and talked for a long time.
I cried and cried. I kept saying, "I'm so sorry, I don't usually cry."
She listened as I spilled out all of the things I had been feeling.
And she helped me come to a few realizations:
God is going to do things in me.
Not just through me.
But inside of me.
And my sins, once confessed, God has already forgotten.
So all of that guilt is not from God.

I think we need believers in our lives to remind us of these things sometimes.
Things I have been taught since I was able to understand...sometimes just need to be reminded.
"He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west." Psalms 103:12
I am thankful for the friends and family I have in my life.
"In this life you're my favorite part" :)


  1. Natalie! You make me smile. Not only do you have a gift for ministry, you also have one for writing. Love you girlie:]

  2. Yay! Cap'n Crunch really knew what he was doing with those crunch berries! Haha! :)

  3. Praying that the Oreos are like the loaves of bread...may they multiply and never end!