Thursday, October 28, 2010

Every breath is a second chance.

The past week has been rough.
Satan is attacking me in many ways. My children, my friendships, my heart...
I felt anger this week, betrayal, hurt and more than anything sadness.
I feel like for the first time in my 19 year old life, I need to start building up walls around my heart.
I feel like no longer I can wear my heart on my sleeve, no longer I can trust...

Pigeons are ugly creatures. Am I right? They are annoying and they are always coming into the house and scaring the living daylights out of me.

They make me absolutely crazy.

Today all I wanted to do all day was lay in bed and cry and miss home.
I know, pathetic, right?
I decided after awhile to go on a walk.
As I was walking I prayed and prayed.
Then I remembered the line in my favorite song,
"All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship."

So there I was, walking down the dirt roads of India, singing my heart out, praising to the Lord.

I cried out, "Father! Please have justice! Show me you are here! Show me you have victory over this place! Show me that no weapon formed against me will remain!"

I finally ended up back home. I sat in the garden for hours with my eyes closed just crying out and singing to the Lord. People kept trying to talk to me, but I just kept my eyes closed and kept singing.

Even though I was praising, I still felt so angry inside (a recent emotion for me).

Eventually I opened my eyes.
I looked up to the sky... out of no where, a single white dove flew onto the house.

The many black pigeons that were crowding the window sills and roof all flew away.
And there is was, a breathtaking white dove, starring at me as I was singing,
"God is my victory and He is here!"
Tears filled my eyes and I started laughing with such joy.
I just kept laughing to myself.
So much so that my cheeks still hurt writing this.


Firm on His promise I'll stand.

A fews girls came outside the house and looked up and just kept saying,
"Wow! Look! I cannot believe it," pointing to the white dove.

And I just sat there with a smile on my face, tears in my eyes,
and a promise of hope in my heart.

"So, you believe because you have see with your own eyes. Good! But better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing!" -Jesus

"They return at evening:
they make a noise like a dog,
and go round about the city.

Behold, they belch out with their mouth:
swords are in their lips:
for who, say they, doth hear?

But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them;
thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.
Because of his strength will I wait upon thee:
for God is my defense." -Psalms 59:6-9

1 comment:

  1. continuing my same prayer for you that has to you as you share, show and light up India for the only one who gives love unconditionally.